


Through Your Eyes

by Penguina



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Alternative Season 5, Angst, Bisexual Edward Nygma, Falling In Love, Hallucinations, Happy Ending, Jealous Edward Nygma, Love, M/M, Minor Oswald Cobblepot/Jim Gordon, Nygmobblepot, POV Edward Nygma, Post 4x22, Regret, ed is a crazy dork, gobblepot, it's a nygmobblepot fic i promise, riddiculous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-05-19 00:54:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14863583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penguina/pseuds/Penguina
Summary: A bit of craziness from Edward’s POV.This Nygmobblepot fic takes place after 4x22. Edward wakes up in Oswald’s home, realizing he was brought back to life by Professor Strange.





	Through Your Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> It’s not necessarily what I want to see in Season 5. It’s just something that was in my head so I put it down in writing :) I hope you enjoy it!

Edward cracked an eye open. He didn’t know where he was which instantly alerted him. He shifted in the large bed, attempting to get up and inspect his environment, but that only caused a surge of sharp pain to coarse through his chest and stomach so he quickly laid back down. His hands slowly found their way to the injured area. Injured… he had been injured… What happened exactly? He grimaced and groaned, trying to remember when suddenly he realized he was not alone. From the other corner of the room a pair of light blue nearly greenish eyes were carefully observing his every move.

“Oswald?” Ed tried to say but his voice came out hoarse and broken. He cleared his throat and tried speaking again but to no avail.

Oswald -- for it was indeed him -- took a step closer. He was dressed in one of his elegant suits, his hair styled with care. Silently, he reached for the jug of water on the nightstand and poured some of the clear liquid into a glass, then offered it to Edward.

Ed hesitated. There was something sinister about this whole situation. And the fact that he couldn’t remember how he got here did not put him at ease at all. Penguin was not to be trusted!

“Don’t be ridiculous. I won’t poison you.” Oswald said, rolling his eyes.

Those were the first words he’d said to Edward and that somehow made it significant. There was reassurance in those words, even if the sarcasm was still detectable in Penguin’s voice.

Ed reached for the glass and sipped from it, testing it. The water had an instant effect on him, soothing his dry throat and refreshing him. Once again he tried speaking.

“What am I doing here? Where are we? How did I get here?...”

“You were stabbed. By your beloved Lee Thompkins.”

 

_He is clenching the knife tightly between his fingers, hiding his hand behind his back so Lee doesn’t see it. He is ready to stab her. Or scare her at least. She made a fool out of him. He can’t just leave things like that. But she outsmarts him when she unexpectedly turns around and plunges her own knife into him. She’s always been unpredictable. A bit like Oswald, Ed realizes in retrospect._

_He still has to have the last word. He stabs her too, still somehow she makes this sensual, she excites him. He leans in to press their mouths together. Her lips are so inviting when she returns his kiss. Then both of them slide down on the cold floor, bleeding out._

 

“I remember what happened.” Edward said out loud, more to himself than Oswald. “Wow. It was so--”

He was about to say _epic_ but Oswald beat him to it. “Stupid? Pathetic? Pointlessly dramatic in a not cool way?” he supplied, arching an eyebrow.

Edward swallowed. “That’s not what I--” he groaned. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Oh, I understand alright.” Oswald said, busying himself with rearranging the objects on Edward’s nightstand. “As always you got yourself in a mess and _I_ had to be the one getting you out of it.”

Edward frowned again. “I didn’t ask for your--”

Oswald snorted. “Please. Don’t waste your breath. And don’t worry. I’m not asking for gratitude.”

“What do you want in return then?” Edward asked, his face becoming colder again, suspicion creeping into his mind. “A night with me?”

A strange look passed through Oswald’s face -- disappointment, perhaps? Anger? Edward couldn’t tell. It was there one moment and gone the next.

“Don’t be crude.” Oswald said pointedly. “I have far better things to do with my time.”

Edward shrugged. “Good.”

It was a relief that Oswald didn’t expect affection from him. He couldn’t give it to him anyway. But then again, it shouldn’t be a surprise. Oswald never forced Ed to give more than he felt comfortable with. Even back during the days when they were closest or the times they fought the most. At least that was in Ed’s favor. That and the fact that he was still alive.

“What happened to Lee’s body?” Ed asked. He was almost surprised how unaffected his voice sounded. Like he wasn’t speaking of the woman he loved at all.

“Lee’s body?” Oswald repeated. “You assume she’s dead?”

Ed blinked a little puzzled. “I doubt you bothered saving _her_ life.”

“You have a really low opinion of me, Edward.” Oswald said. “You just assumed I’d let Lee die because, what, you loved her and I was supposedly jealous or bitter?”

“Weren’t you?”

Oswald snorted again. “You really have no idea which end is up, do you?”

“Explain then.”

“Lee Thompkins is alive and well. It helped that you couldn’t stab her properly. You need to aim up when you stab people, you see, so the knife plunges under the ribs and into the heart.” he illustrated with a gesture, attacking an invisible foe. “... Anyway, she’s recovering much faster than you.”

Edward blinked. “Lee’s alive?”

Oswald nodded. “Very much so.”

“She didn’t die?” Ed mumbled dumbly.

“That’s what _still alive_ entails, is it not?” Oswald said, sounding slightly impatient.

“I thought I killed her…” Ed muttered, still a bit dizzy and confused.

Oswald shook his head. “No. Strange fixed you both.”

Edward jumped startled in the bed then flinched again at the pain the movement inflicted. “Strange? Professor Strange?”

Oswald nodded.

“What did he do to us!? What did you have him do to us!?” Ed panicked. Strange was one of the last people Edward would ever trust. To think that he was unconscious under that man’s hands, at his mercy, was a terrifying thought.

Oswald waved it off. “Relax. You’ll kill a second time.” he warned.

Ed pursed his lips with determination. “Oswald. What did you do?” he insisted.

Oswald sucked in a deep breath, then slowly let it out. That same look of anger or disappointment was back on his face. For longer this time. Or perhaps it was sadness? Edward still couldn’t tell, he was very weak.

“When will you get it into your thick skull that I am not your enemy, Ed?” Penguin asked out loud. “I discovered you dying and unconscious, so I got Strange to save your life. You should be happy, not paranoid.”

“ _You_ speak of paranoia? _You_? Of all people?” Edward chuckled with fake amusement.

“In this particular case it is _entirely_ unfounded.” Oswald said. “I assure you.”

Edward furrowed his brows. “Why did you save me, Oswald?” he demanded.

“For the same reason Fish Mooney couldn’t kill me.” Oswald replied seriously. Edward’s confusion must’ve shown on his face because Oswald elaborated. “I created you, Edward Nygma. And I couldn’t let you die.”

Ed wanted to reply, to yell at Oswald and tell him he was wrong, to shout that Oswald did not create him. But exhaustion took over and he felt his body relax, his eyes close on their own and before he knew it he was asleep again.

~*~

Soon Edward was able to move and even walk. He was depressingly slow with it and he still felt the occasional odd pain here and there but he was breathing and getting healthy, stronger than before, and that was a blessing on its own.

He still had no idea where Lee was. He wasn’t even sure how he felt about her at this moment after what happened between them. Was he mad at her for stabbing him, or was he aroused by her strength and cleverness? He sort of enjoyed being outwitted by the objects of his affections. Was he still angry that she had feelings for Jim Gordon? Everything was so confusing, _too_ confusing. Yet, he was certain that if he saw her face to face, he’d instantly know what he felt. However, that seemed impossible at the current stage. He didn’t even know where Oswald was keeping _him_ , let alone _her_. It wasn’t the mansion though, that much was obvious. Definitely not the Narrows either. It wouldn’t even make sense for Oswald to keep them in the Narrows. The whole place vaguely reminded Ed of Sofia Falcone’s home, on some subconscious level. But he’d only been there twice, both times just to the ground floor, so he could be wrong. For his great disappointment he couldn’t recognize the view from his window either.

His disorientation was normal, apparently. He was told so by a nurse that was taking care of him. Edward didn’t know her either but she seemed intimately familiar with his condition. He tried making some inquiries of his own, asking her questions, getting more information out of her, but she turned out to be a tough nut to crack. She didn’t say a word of import on that front.

There was no sign of Oswald either. Penguin hadn’t visited him after that first day when Ed woke up. Almost as if Ed did not exist anymore. It was a strange coincidence that Oswald would be in his room when he opened his eyes. Did he know Edward was going to wake up that day or was it customary for the Penguin to hang out in Nygma’s room? More questions were added to the great big pile of questions that Edward had in his head, but no answers to any of them. And the greatest question of all was what did Oswald want with him? Why did Penguin save his life when he could’ve left Ed rot in the Narrows and die?

When he felt he was strong enough to walk longer distances, Edward sneaked out of his room, determined to discover where they were keeping him. Or to find Lee at least, if nothing else.

He walked with small steps, propping himself on the wall of the corridor all the while. He didn’t want to risk falling down and going back to zero again. The sooner he recovered, the better.

The floor his room was on was empty. Not a soul anywhere in the vicinity, all the other bedrooms - empty. It was rather creepy. Edward ignored the uneasy feeling in his stomach and continued his little walk, slowly descending the stairs and hoping to find more answers on the lower floor.  

At first it seemed just as empty as his floor but then luckily for him he heard muffled voices, glimpses of a quiet conversation. His heart skipped a beat at the excitement and he followed the low voices, thinking of it all as a puzzle to be solved. The voices were coming from a spacious living room which Ed instantly recognized as a part of Sofia Falcone’s mansion. So that was where Oswald was keeping him. Sofia’s old house. But why? Was this Oswald’s new residence?

The door was half-opened and the closer Ed got to it, the more convinced he became that the voices he heard belonged to none other but Jim Gordon and Oswald himself. An almost childish irritation arose in his chest. Why was Jim Gordon here? What did he have to do with all this? Did he know what happened to Ed? Or Lee?

And then it hit him. The real reason why Oswald saved Lee’s life. He obviously did it for Jim, duh! It was clear as day! How could Ed not see it before? Well-aware of Gordon’s annoying love for Lee Thompkins, Oswald saved the detective’s beloved for him. To make _him_ happy. It wasn’t _for Ed_ , of course not! The only reason Oswald would forget his petty jealousy and do something noble for once was James Gordon. All of it was for James Gordon.

It shouldn’t be a surprise, really. Oswald always had this silly infatuation with Jim. Ed still remembered how irritating he found that infatuation back when he first met Penguin at the GCPD. Edward was so naive back then. He was like a silly fanboy, running to Penguin and hoping to be his friend. Instead, he was forced to witness Penguin going all gooey-eyed whenever the handsome detective appeared. It was more than annoying. Edward was pretty sure a great deal of his hatred for Jim Gordon came from those days when he desperately wanted Oswald to give Ed the attention he was giving Gordon. Jim never deserved it, none of it! Gotham loved him, the GCPD loved him, Oswald loved him, Lee… well, Lee loved him too. Gordon got all the love. He had everything. Everything Ed never got. Gordon was an irritating fool!

Ed didn’t even realize he was clenching his fists until he felt his nails digging into the flesh of his hands. He quickly grabbed ahold of himself and took another step towards the door, curious to see what was happening inside. Perhaps knowing what the two were talking about would give him leverage against Oswald in case he needed it. Unfortunately, he couldn’t hear a proper word of what they were saying. Their voices were too quiet. The two men were standing close to one another (too close, Edward thought with irritation) as they spoke in hushed voices.

Edward took a step closer, hoping to hear better. He was careful not to make a sound and startle Jim and Oswald. But then Oswald’s hand rested on Jim’s bicep and Ed lost it. _What the hell was Oswald thinking!?_ Ed was about to burst into the room and surprise them both but instead they surprised him first. Unaware of Ed’s presence, Oswald leaned up and wrapped his arms around Jim’s neck, bringing their lips together. _They were kissing_. And it wasn’t just a brush of lips either, it was a proper long kiss full of passion and desire. A kiss that definitely spoke of familiarity Ed didn’t want to acknowledge. It was a kiss between lovers who already knew one another intimately, not two people who were only just getting started with their relationship.

Edward gaped. The blood drained from his face and the dizziness returned in full force.

How long has this been going on? Oswald and James Gordon? _Together!?_

Oswald let out a desperate little moan of pleasure, melting into the detective’s embrace and Ed felt the world spinning around him. Then everything went black.  

~*~

“Ah. You’re awake. Good.”

Penguin’s voice was the first thing Ed registered when he opened his eyes again. He was back in his room, in the same bed as before, the same familiar space.

“Was it a dream?...” Ed mumbled under his breath. He suddenly felt very weak and very sick at the memory of what he’d seen transpire downstairs. The image of Oswald and Jim kissing was haunting him, making him nauseous.

“I couldn’t know what you dream about, Edward.” Oswald replied. He sounded very businesslike, very composed. It was clear as day he was hiding something!

“Do you really think you could fool me?” Edward asked, sitting up in the bed to be at somewhat more equal footing with Oswald.

“I don’t unde--”

“I saw you, Oswald.” Edward said accusingly. “I saw you kissing James Gordon.”

Oswald observed him carefully for a moment and then snorted amusedly. “You really do need rest, Ed. You were clearly hallucinating.”

“I-- I did not! I know what I saw!” Edward insisted, after an initial slight hesitation. “Why are you denying it? I’m not crazy!”

Oswald took a step closer to tuck Edward in again. “It’s happened before. You cannot deny there are many things you see that others don’t.”

Oswald’s voice was calm but he kept avoiding Edward’s eyes. It was suspicious.

True, Edward’s perceptions weren’t always reliable. He wasn’t always certain of what was real and when his mind was playing cruel tricks on him. But in this case he was more than sure. He knew what he saw!

“Why do you want me to doubt myself?” he asked, eyes fixed on Oswald’s face, taking in each little expression. “Why are you toying with me?”

Oswald pursed his lips. “Edward. Whatever you think you saw, forget it. It is irrelevant for you anyway and it’s better if you don’t know anything about it.”

That said, Oswald waddled towards the door.

Edward gasped. “It’s a secret, isn’t it?” He laughed, bordering on hysterical. “You and Gordon. You’re in a secret relationship with Detective James Gordon!”

His laughter only intensified at that revelation. Tears were budding in his eyes. He kept laughing as if he’d heard the killer joke.

Oswald looked furious, his eyes ablaze. “Shut up!” he commanded, limping ungracefully back to Edward’s bed and baring his teeth. “You are _not_ to speak of this to anyone! Ever! Understood?”

Edward kept laughing.

“I had you fixed,” Oswald warned, lifting one finger up and almost jabbing it into Ed’s face, “I can easily get rid of you if I choose so!”

There he was. The Penguin Edward knew so well. The mad, crazy little man who threw tantrums whenever something didn’t go his way. The self-centered bastard who always got what he wanted, one way or another. The clever little imp who was always five steps ahead of everyone else. There was _Edward’s_ Penguin!

“There’s my little bird…” Edward whispered, smiling and relaxing into the pillows.

Oswald furrowed his brows, taken aback by the remark. “I’m _not_ your little bird. You’re concussed. You need to rest but before that, you must understand that you cannot, under any circumstances, bring up anything about Gordon and me to anyone. Understood?”

When Ed remained quiet, silently looking into Oswald’s eyes, Oswald insisted one more time. “Is that clear, Edward?”

Edward sighed. He was in no condition to refuse. He was still weak, he was confused, he was slightly in pain. He could not afford to make enemies with Oswald just yet. Perhaps later. But definitely not now.

“I won’t tell anyone.” He finally said, his voice a little above whisper, soft and defeated.

Oswald visibly relaxed after that promise. “Good.” he said, straightening his elegant three-piece suit.

“How long?” Ed asked after a short silence.

Oswald frowned. “How long what?”

“How long have you and Gordon been together?”

Oswald inhaled deeply. Then he smiled softly. “It’s not important.” he said. “You can’t know the answers to all the puzzles, Ed.”

Edward was speechless. He observed as Oswald limped towards the door once again, leaving Ed alone in his sick bed.

~*~

There was no sign of Oswald over the next two days. Edward was all alone again, with the exception of that same nurse who visited regularly to check up on him. With all that free time on his hands, bored to death as he was, he realized his mind kept wandering more and more to thoughts of Oswald and Jim Gordon.

It was clear why Oswald wanted to keep his relationship with the detective under wraps. It was a precaution to protect Jim, of course. If the true nature of their relationship was uncovered Jim could get into all sorts of trouble. From being suspended from work for conflict of interest, to being kidnapped and tortured by Oswald’s enemies. Perhaps even killed. One of Oswald’s worst fears was losing someone he loved so his paranoia in this case was not surprising at all.

Which meant, Oswald _truly loved James Gordon_. For some reason Edward found that disgusting.

Was Oswald _actually this stupid_ to fall for detective Gordon? And what was it that he liked so much anyway? Was he so shallow to be swoon by a pretty smile and a pair of gorgeous blue eyes? Penguin had a thing for Gordon from the start, that was true, but Ed thought he’d outgrowned it by now. Oswald was a grown man, for crying out loud! He could not afford to act like a mindless teenager in love! Hadn’t he learned his lesson the first time? Had Ed thought him nothing at all!? Love was a weakness, damn it!

 

_“You were the one time I let love weaken me. And I want you around as a constant reminder to never make that mistake again.”_

 

Those were Oswald’s words at the pier before freezing Edward into an icicle. With his trust issues and his bitter experience with Ed, Oswald was definitely very alert not to allow himself to love again, possibly even paranoid. Therefore, for him to open up to Jim, to let him in, to bare himself and freely express his feelings like that, must’ve been a huge step. His love for Jim must’ve been _really_ strong and allconsuming to fill Penguin with such bravery all the sudden. Although Ed suspected confessing his feelings to Gordon was probably not a conscious decision. It was most likely a spur of the moment thing where either Oswald was driven by his emotions (as usual) or Jim was the one to confess his love first and Oswald somehow believed him. In any case, their relationship must’ve started spontaneously, and perhaps not too long ago.

Lost in thought, Ed suddenly realized his mind was already weaving the whole scene in his head.

 

_“Why am I here, Oswald? Why did you call me to your home?” Jim asks hands on his hips, that slightly annoyed look he has mastered over the years graces his face._

_“I have Lee, Jim.” Oswald says._

_Jim instantly tenses, the mere mention of Lee putting him on edge. “What did you do to her, Oswald?” he demands._

_“Relax, Jim. I didn’t hurt Lee. I saved her.” Oswald clarifies, unable to keep the triumph from his voice._

_Jim instantly pales. He’s worried about Lee, he can’t help it. “Saved her? What happened to her?” he asks quickly, agitated._

_“Ed Nygma happened to her.” Oswald says with a sneer. “The green idiot stabbed her.”_

_“That bastard!”_

_“He_ **_is_ ** _a bastard, isn’t he?” Oswald shakes his head, regretfully. “Luckily for us, he can’t even stab people properly.”_

 

Edward assumed that was what they sounded like whenever they talked about him. He was probably right.

 

_“May I see her?” Jim pleads._

_They share a long lingering look. Oswald nods._

_“Yes. Of course, you can see her, Jim. I--” Oswald gets a little flustered like he used to get with Ed back when he was his chief of staff. “-- I saved her for you, Jim. I couldn’t live knowing what grief her death would cause you.”_

_Oswald looks away, his feelings becoming too strong for him to control again. He tries desperately to keep his affections to himself, to hide them, to suppress them. He wants to be a cold exterior of power. He doesn’t want to show his vulnerability, afraid not to be taken advantage of. However, he is transparent._

_Jim takes a step closer and reaches out to hold Penguin’s hand._

_“Oswald?” he whispers. His voice is low and charged with strange energy Oswald is unfamiliar with. It makes him shiver and sweat. “Oswald.” Jim repeats._

_Oswald lifts up his gaze and swallows, feeling his heartbeat speeding up._

_“Yes, Jim?”_

_He looks so small, so delicate. Nothing like the wild force that Ed knows so well. In Jim’s presence Oswald looks like a frightened little bird._

_One look is enough for Jim Gordon to read the love in Oswald’s eyes. He knows. He knows what Oswald feels for him. He knows what Oswald always felt for him. And he cups Oswald’s cheek with his big strong hand._

_“How can there be such a big heart in this small frame?” Jim wonders. “You put my happiness before your own. You saved Lee for me because you wanted me to be happy. Oswald… I cannot hide my feelings any longer! I cannot pretend I’m imparcial to you! I cannot act the part of your enemy anymore! I’m tired of being wise! I need to tell you the truth. I love you, Oswald! I’ve been in love with you since the very start.”_

_Oswald is a little skeptical at first but Jim then leans in and reassures him with a kiss. An awkward brush of lips, Oswald’s first kiss, Edward is pretty sure about that. Until Jim’s mouth lights a fire inside Oswald, awakes a passion he usually keeps hidden deep inside him. Oswald kisses back, pulling Jim closer, bodies flush against one another._

_“Jim… I thought you were in love with Lee Thompkins.” Oswald breaths. He is overtaken with emotions but still he needs to ask, needs to know._

_“I still care about Lee, of course.” Jim admits. It’s not easy for him to say it out loud but it’s about time he does. “I almost married her, we almost had a kid… She’s my what if. She’ll always be an important chapter in my life. But she’s not that person anymore, and neither am I. I do care about her and I’m glad she’s alive. But it’s more like a friend, like someone I have so much history with, than a lover.” He strokes Oswald’s face lovingly. “I’m in love with you, Oswald. Always you.”_

_Oswald has tears in his eyes. Happy tears, not like the tears Edward caused him._

_“Oh, Jim! I love you too! What I did, I did for love! You should know that. I love you!”_

 

A different memory popped into Edward’s head then. _I did it for love. I did it because I love you. You should know that. I love you, Ed! You know that now. Please, Ed, I love you!_ Memories of Oswald sobbing and begging for Ed to give him a chance, Oswald shot, sinking to the bottom of that blasted river…

Edward shook his head violently, desperate to push those thoughts to the back of his head, trying to get back to Oswald and Jim confessing their mutual love for one another. He realized he was clenching his fists again, almost drawing blood.

He forced himself to relax. Perhaps it was better to not imagine any declarations of love anymore. At least not for today.

~*~

Oswald finally visited Edward again on the fifth day after Ed discovered the truth about Oswald and Jim’s relationship.

“How are you feeling? The nurse says you’re recovering well.” Oswald said.

“When did it start?” Edward asked instead of giving a reply.

Oswald knitted his eyebrows together. “What?”

“You and Jim Gordon. When did it start?” Ed repeated. “When did you confess your love for him?”

Oswald sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Not this again.”

“Was it after you saved Lee? Or were you two together back when I was still working at the GCPD? Did he spare your life on that pier because you were his lover?”

Oswald snorted and shook his head. “Ed.”

“Was that why you kept showing up at the precinct all the time? To meet with your lover?”

“Ed.” Oswald signed, getting exasperated now.

“Were you seeing him when you claimed to be in love with me?”

Oswald glared. “That’s it! What is your problem, Edward?”

“I have no problem. _You_ clearly have to fall for _Jim Gordon_ of all people!” Ed snapped.

“My relationship with Jim is none of your business. Stop obsessing about it!”

“I’m not obsessing! I just want to get to the bottom of it.”

“Why?”

Ed blinked, jaw slightly ajare. He wasn’t sure what to say to that. He wasn’t sure why he wanted to know.

“That’s what I thought too.” Oswald said with disdain. “You’ve always been a selfish man, Ed Nygma. You reject me, you sneer at my love and break me but the moment I’m happy with someone else you just can’t take it! You can’t accept the fact that someone can love me the way you never could. The way you never _were_ loved.”

Edward jumped at Penguin, aiming for his neck, but Oswald managed to step away in time to leave Edward hanging.

“Damn you, Oswald! That’s not true! None of it is true!” Ed yelled.

“Don’t test my patience, Ed.” Oswald warned calmly. “I still have other Victor’s number.”

“Come back! Come back, you coward!” Edward kept screaming at Penguin’s retreating figure but Oswald did not even look back. Once again Edward was alone and angry.

~*~  

Over the next few days Edward was tormented with images of young Oswald being seduced by James Gordon. Different scenarios, same result. Jim Gordon was always the predator in Ed’s eyes. The handsome playboy who was after a good time with the innocent heart of the inexperienced love-starved Oswald.

Those obsessive thoughts were bad enough on their own but sometimes they got even worse. Sometimes Oswald was already the Mayor of Gotham and he and Jim laughed together behind Edward’s back.

 

_“And then I said I loved him. And he believed it!” Oswald gasps into laughter._

_Jim Gordon wraps an arm around his lover and joins in the fun. “What an idiot! Nygma always has been a huge idiot. Everybody thought so at the GCPD.”_

_Penguin rolls on top of Gordon then and smirks at him. “You know who’s a million times better than Edward?”_

_“Hmm, who?” Jim hums, grinning because he already knows the answer._

_“You.” Oswald purrs and they kiss and kiss until they’re out of breath. Then they start making love again and Edward is witnessing that too because his mind has a perverted sense of humor for ways to torture him._

_He yells. He wants to silence the obsessive thoughts with his own screams but that never works. It never did work._

_“I love you. James Gordon. I love you. I. Love. You. That green idiot Ed! Edward, you’re ridiculous! My relationship with Jim is none of your business! I’m happy for once! You can’t take it! I love you. James Gordon. I love Jim.”_

 

“MAKE IT STOP!” Edward pleaded, tears in his eyes.

He was bent in two on his bed, the sheets tangled around him as he clenched his head with both hands, pulling at his hair. There was no one to help him. No one to even understand. He himself couldn’t completely understand. Was he going crazy?

“Please, make it stop…” he whispered into the void. No one answered his call for help.

~*~

He lost all sense of time. He had no idea how many days had passed before Oswald returned to his room but when he did Ed saw disappointment and regret in Penguin’s eyes. One could even call it disgust.

“You look terrible, Ed.” he said out loud.

Edward hung his head. He knew he looked like someone whose place was in Arkham. He had no strength left to argue.

“The nurse says you’re not eating well.” Oswald continued. “Is that true?”

Ed remained silent. What could he say anyway? That he hoped to just die of starvation and end his misery? He couldn’t say that.

Oswald was quiet for a long moment, observing Ed. Then he spoke again.

“Won’t you talk to me?” he asked calmly, trying to get to the bottom of the problem like one would with a child. “We can still be friends, you know. I don’t see a reason why we couldn’t.”

“I love you, Oswald.” Edward whispered. A hot tear fell down his cheek, burning his skin.

Oswald leaned in, placing a hand behind his ear. “Sorry, what? I didn’t hear you.”

Edward looked up at him. “I love you.” he repeated. His voice was louder but still shaky. “That’s why I was so upset about you and Gordon. That’s why I despise him so much. I get angry at the mere thought of him touching you, of you giving him your heart. _Him_ instead of _me_ . _I’m_ supposed to be the one you love. _Me_ not _him_.”

He felt childish and selfish for his feelings but he couldn’t help them. They were stronger than him and he had to confess them to Oswald or else his torment would never end. Perhaps now there was some chance… a small chance...

Oswald straightened up. The corners of his lips quirked up into something like a smile.

“You love me?” he asked, rather amused.

Edward nodded.

“After all this time, after everything you put me through, you say you love me? Now?”

Ed nodded again. He swallowed nervously.

“Edward, you _shot_ me. You took _everything_ from me, you used things I told you in confidence against me. You betrayed me! Multiple times! And you expect everything to be fine now because you happen to love me all the sudden?”

“But it’s not sudden! I’ve loved you for a really long time, Oswald, I just never realized it--” Ed tried to explain. He sounded desperate. He sounded like someone who lost the war without even starting the battle.

Oswald shook his head regrettably.

“I don’t care, Ed. You’re too late. I’m with Jim now. And I’m happy that way.” he said. “And frankly. I think I made the right choice.”

The words cut like knives. Filled with pain and regret, Edward sobbed. He could’ve been happy. But it was not meant to be. And it was his fault.

At that moment Jim Gordon stepped into the room too. He put an arm around Penguin’s waist and placed a kiss on his cheek as if marking his territory.

“So, what’s happening here?” Jim inquired.

“Edward is telling me that he loves me now.” Oswald replied, amusement dripping from his voice.

Jim laughed. “You did that, Nygma? Wow. Talk about bravery. I could beat you up for that.”

Both Oswald and Jim laughed until suddenly they were kissing again.

“Please, stop…” Edward begged. This was too much like his hallucinations, the ones that kept tormenting him all this time. “Please…”

They went on, ignoring Edward completely, so he screamed. He screamed so loudly that eventually he woke up with a start.

Gasping for air, he blinked a few times until his eyes adjusted to the daylight. He was in a room, not unlike the one he’d been earlier, yet different.

“Is he okay? Can I talk to him now?” he heard Oswald’s worried voice from a distance.

It sounded so different than the man who laughed at his love confession. Was any of that real? Did he dream everything? Or was _this_ the dream? Why was reality so hard to detect sometimes?

He turned in the direction of the voice and met Oswald’s eyes, blue-green like he remembered them, warm and alive.

“Edward?” Oswald took a step closer. He looked genuinely concerned. “Edward, can you hear me? Do you remember what happened?”

“I-- I’m a bit dizzy…” Edward heard himself reply. “And disoriented.”

Oswald let out a breath. “At least you’re alive again, thank goodness!”

“The dizziness and disorientation is normal.” Another voice said and Ed realized they were not alone in the room. Professor Strange was there too. “He’ll be back to himself soon.”

“Good.” Oswald told Strange. “And remember our deal.” There was a warning in his voice.

Professor Strange gave a slight nod of understanding. “Of course, Mr. Cobblepot.” he said.

“Now if Eddie is alright and doesn’t need your services at the moment, leave us.” Oswald instructed.

Professor Strange glanced at Edward once again, then left the room. They were truly alone now. Edward swallowed.

“I… I found you dead. I was worried.” Oswald muttered. He seemed uncertain.

“I thought you hated me.” Edward said, shattered.

Oswald shook his head. “My feelings for you are far too complicated to be described in only one word.” he said. “Whatever happened between us, you were once my best friend. You’re a part of my history. I couldn't just let you die.”  

Hearing these words gave Edward wings of hope. Perhaps his nightmares from before were just a helpful way of his mind to show him the right path. And this was his second chance! He was not going to waste time anymore. He reached for Oswald’s hand and held it in his own.

At first Oswald flinched a little, not expecting a tender touch from Ed. It made Edward’s heart shrink at the realization that Oswald only expected pain and cruelty from him. He had to rectify that.  

“I’m sorry.” he said heartfelt. “I hurt you because I was hurt too. Because I was angry at the loss of what we had together.”

“Ed, you don’t have to--”

“Please. I need to.”

Oswald nodded. “In that case, I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have--”

“It’s in the past now. And I’d rather not let it ruin our future.”

Oswald’s eyes widened. “You mean… you want to be friends again?”

Edward shook his head. “No. I hope we can be _more_ than friends.”

Oswald narrowed his eyes, not buying it this time. “Fool me once, shame on you. But fool me twice, shame on me.” he said, clearly remembering the time Ed tricked him into confessing his love for his chief of staff.

“I’m being honest.” Ed assured. “Oswald, I’ve endured life without you and it never went well. I can’t even be whole without you. Only with you I find peace. I find myself and I can see who I could become. I love you, Oswald. I really do.”

Oswald was speechless before him. Ed continued.

“I was afraid of admitting my feelings even to myself for far too long. But now I realize that this love is a part of me and suppressing it only causes me more pain. I don’t want us to hurt anymore, Oswald. We’ve both suffered enough. I love you. And if you think you could love me again, I’d gladly do my best to make you happy.”

Oswald blinked at him. “Um…” he swallowed. “You’re not tricking me again, are you?”

It was not surprising that Oswald would find it hard to believe in the truthfulness of Edward’s words. Not after all the times Ed had lied to him in the past. But Ed was determined to prove himself.

“Look into my eyes, Oswald.” Ed said seriously, eyes fixed on Oswald. “This isn’t a trick. You know me better than anyone. You’d be able to tell if I were lying.”

Oswald put his hands on each side of Ed’s face and looked him in the eyes. It was a silent conversation between their very souls. Communication Ed could not _understand_ but only _feel_.  

Oswald smiled. “You do mean it.” he whispered, tears in his eyes.

Edward nodded. “I do.”

“Ed, I-- I still love you.” Oswald confessed and once again Edward was in awe with how brave that little bird was.

“I love you too, Oswald!” he replied, smiling back at the man he loved. Saying it out loud to Oswald made him feel so relieved. He was at peace again. He felt happy. “I love you so much!” he repeated, resting his forehead against Oswald’s.

They breathed in each other’s air, heartbeats synchronized like before. There was an innate intimacy there that Edward was glad to feel anew. Him and Oswald. It was meant to be and deep down he always knew that.

Edward’s eyes slid down to Oswald’s lips, making the other man swallow nervously, unsure of what to do. It was adorable but still Ed wanted to reassure him, to show him he was not alone anymore, to remind him that he can trust Ed again. He wrapped him in a warm embrace. 

"And please don't ever love Jim Gordon again." Ed said. 

Oswald frowned confused. "Love Jim Gordon, what are you talking about?" 

So Oswald's intimate relationship with Jim wasn't real after all. 

Ed chuckled breathless. "Never mind. I love you, Oswald.” he said and gently pressed a kiss to those lips he craved for so long.

Oswald returned it tentatively, sheepishly. It was his first kiss, Ed could tell, and everything about it was wonderful. The nightmares were gone. The hallucinations -- tamed. Edward could see the world anew, in a different light, through Oswald’s eyes.

 

THE END


End file.
